So the dudes at CERN have finally done it and now the particles are crashing into each other like demented but absolutely teensy dodgem cars. And we’re all still here.
So far.
Prof Brian Cox, previously mentioned here, has been tweeting up a storm, excitedly comparing the LHC to a cup of milky coffee (apparently there is more energy in the latter, making it much more of a threat to the planet than the former - I think he’s been reading me). He also threatened to chin the next person to say ‘black hole’ to him. How refreshing to see a public figure take a stand on the issues that really matter.
No sign yet, unfortunately, of the elusive Higgs Boson. It’s bound to be in the last place they look.
But even if we had been sucked into a black hole, it would have been as nothing when compared to the fathomless vortex of desire into which I am being inexorably dragged.
Bit by bit, day by day, they’re coming to get me. Clad in spotless (they obviously don’t have cats) black polo necks, and chanting strange mantras like ‘pinch to zoom’ and ‘let’s go for sushi!’, they resemble little more than the sinister beings who took over the world in The Invasion of the Bodysnatchers.
Ok, so the fashion is a bit different, but you get the idea. Soon, if you’re found not in possession of an iPhone, you will be exposed as ’the uncool’ by expressionless zombies pointing at you and shrieking like my coffee machine whipping up a manchiato.
I speak as someone who has owned two iPhones, both purchased on the first day of availability. My body was snatched a long time ago.
And now there’s the iPad.
We’ve known about it for a couple of months now, and reactions have varied from ‘it’s a big iPhone. What’s the fuss?’ to ‘it’s a big iPhone that is going to change the world and I am so excited I think my head’s about to fall off’.
I have one foot in each camp, which is odd, because I could never do the splits.
On the one hand, I already have an iPhone and I already have a computer. The iPad is neither one thing nor the other and won’t replace either of them. I don’t need one.
On the other hand...drool. And slobber. And drool again. I want one.
On the third hand, there is the possibility that it will actually change the world. And if there’s any world-changing gonna be happening that involves fiddling around with gadgets instead of armed uprising or particle beams, I want to be part of it.
So it’s a dilemma. What do you think? Should I get one? My decision will be based very nearly entirely on what you say.
No pressure.